How to add spice on Valentines

I married 8 years and a full time working mother to 6 year-old April and 4 year-old May. I am involving in the kids' homework, bath, dinner, play time, story time then only bedtime in all the evenings after the work in the office. I've started at 7am in the morning and ended by 11.30pm. Everyday, it is a challenge for gaining more mental energy and will power.

I felt a drop in my libido after the birth of my first daughter. It had nothing to do with my husband. He was feeling that I wasn't attracted to him or I didn't desire him. He also thought
there was something going on that maybe I loved him but was not in love with him anymore. I realized our mismatched sexual desire was mainly due to my exhaustion and our different definitions of intimacy.

I know men show love for their wives in the bedroom. When we don't accept it, it's a big rejection. What tends to happen is that intimacy on all levels drops out. we stop laughing at each other’s jokes; we don’t sit next to each other on the couch. We didn't have a common social activities, or share a common topics, except topics on our children. We stop being friends and it puts marriages at risk for infidelity and divorce at the end and that’s really not good.

The following are signs of a sex-starved marriage:
Arguing about sex
Underlying tension
Feeling distant

It is important to keep the spark alive even while married. Just because two people are together does not mean things have to become sour.

Valentines Day is just 10 days from now. Other than shopping for CNY cloths and CNY stuffs, have you also shopped for sexy lingerie and perfume? I remember that Women MCA Datuk Dr Ng Yen Yen had shocked women in the country with her statement that married women should use perfume and put on sexy see-through lingerie in the bedroom in her 2008 New Year seminar. This remarks had also created a huge controversial in the press, some commented that this should be shared among friends only, but not discussed in the public talk.

Anyway, I have added quite a number of lingerie in my collection this year. Some are the most trendy animal print lingerie, bra and undies.

It doesn't matter whether your body is perfect or you have put on weight after giving birth, your man will still appreciate you in the lingerie that fit you.


  1. i think after married, when women have become a wife and a mother, our responsibility is more than mere lover. sometimes we tend to neglect our man's need and not so attentive to him. nice sharing, yan.

  2. Yvonne,

    Married couples should find time and place to make love and enjoy the good time together.

  3. good post :) i bet you are going to be very busy this year...hahahhhahaahhahhaha

  4. Barb, are you hinting that I am going to have another one. No la! I will take safety precaution one. Am still not ready for the 3rd one. Let just enjoy the sex life only. Lol!

  5. Aiyo, you showed your photos here, later no surprise for your hubby liao ... lol :P

  6. Hayley, hehehehe! He won't read my blog that often la! By the time he read, may be I have wore liao! hahahaha!

  7. Hey Yan...I'm not hinting abt you having another kid. Just hinting that you will be very busy at night...hahahahaahhahahhhahahhaa

  8. Barb, true also la! Another job to do before I can greet his grandfather. (His sur name is Chow. Please guess who is his grandfather yourself.)

  9. Oh, yes, I must admit too that ever since I gave birth to my son, my libido has dropped tremendously. But then I'm also lucky that my hubby is not the demanding type. :P

  10. I guess most women with kids will have a decrease in their libido after having kids. This is a good topic and you are bold enough to have this posted :D
    Your hubby will be really happy to see you in those animal print sexy lingerie :D.

  11. Alice, although your hubby is not a demanding type, you also have to put him in higher priority.

    Shireen, I am thinking of writing about ways to maintain healthy marriage too. Still finding time to compose it. I hope you can share your view on this type of topics too. I am sure you can contribute more on this topic in your own blogs.

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