2010-04-14

May is in her terrible fours

My little May, once a tame and adorable angel, has recently turned to be a very difficult monster at home.

She delayed sleeping time and also going to school time by telling us nonsense like peeing and pooing. She takes forever to do it. We have to use cane to threaten her to leave the potty.
She refused and made a big fuss on the outfit that I have chosen for her to wear to school. She wanted to decide on the outfit on her own and made me really annoyed at her sense of fashion.
She rejected milk and meal too, by showing us her very ugly sour long face.
She is stubborn and purposely doing things that you asked her not to.
She whined and cried without any reason at school and at home.

I felt terribly stressful, tired and upset at her terrible fours, and thus I scolded, spanked, caned and threatened her whenever she get on my nerve. Even my MIL also suggested me to bring her to Ang Kung temple and ask for some "Ang Kung Hu". T____T. When I have tried many methods to discipline her and I still failed, I finally gave in and brought her to pray, and also got some "ang kung hu" for her to drink at the end.

I totally lost my mind on what else I could do to manage her terrible fours. In fact, I hate scolding her or spanking her, because I would feel guilty every time when I saw her going to bed with teary eyes.

I have tried to google for tips and ways on dealing with terrible fours as well. I hope I could find tricks that I could get her to listen and behave the way I want.

Managing a 4 year old behavior can be even harder than dealing with the terrible twos.
Here are 5 quick tips to help me improve deal with 4 year old behavior.

1) Always acknowledge what your child is saying.
If you try to distract your child from whatever is on their mind without first acknowledging them, they will see right through you. But if you first repeat what they are saying, you'll "enter their world" and calm them down before any fights begin. So if your child is asking if he can have this great new toy while at the store, start by saying "you want this toy, don't you?".

2) When your child is acting in a way that you do not like, make sure you tell him or her what you DO want, rather than telling them what you don't want.
In other words, speak in positive terms. "I want you to come over here" is better than "stop going over there". Or "keep your hands to yourself" is better than "stop hitting your little sister". This goes for pretty much anything you communicate to your child.

3) Stay calm when you discipline your child.
If you show your anger and frustration, your 4 year old will know he or she has pushed your hot buttons. You'll have more success with discipline if you keep your cool. You can be unemotional when implementing punishment.

4) Never apologize when implementing punishment.
If you stay unemotional and act with calmness, you simply follow up on a threatened punishment with a simple explanation of what your child did (after being asked to behave differently) and you explain that the punishment is because of the behavior/action. No apologies necessary here.

5) Feel comfortable following through.
If you make a threat such as, "If you don't get over here right now I'm not taking you to Grandma's tomorrow", then you better be prepared to actually follow through. Therefore, maybe you need to consider what is a realistic punishment and what is not. Keep a short list of realistic punishments on the tip of your tongue, and make sure at least one of these can be used when you are not at home. Get your children in the habit of understanding that you are someone who acts, not just talks.

Source is from here.

p/s: If you also have tips on managing the 4 year old behavior, I will really appreciate if you can share with me.

7 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing the tips to deal with terrible-4. I need them too to handle Avery. Although she's soon reaching 5 years old, sometimes she shows her tantrums and I have no idea what she wants.

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  2. poor you. perhaps you could have a talk with her? well, i'm sure you have already done that too :( on her good days, just try to reason with her. the tips you found on google is very good. i lose my temper all the time and find it hard to stay calm :(

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  3. Yan & Vyonne, Ms Wong also hava a terrible Five. Her youngest daughter. Showing tantrum all the way to Kuantan. When she's mad, she is very very mad. When she is good she is very very good. I pun tak boleh tahan.

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  4. Please allow me to jump into a conclusion that, kids are TERRIBLE regardless of age!! LOL!

    I'm currently in your shoes, my girl acts exactly just like princess May..."Ngok Deng"(Cantonese), hard to bear! I'm now hoping to find a solution to "suppress" my hot temperament! :p

    Cheers!

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  5. sorry....I can't contribute any points because I'm also in your shoe. My boy is so difficult to control. Just l ike what Angeline mentioned "When he is bad, he is real bad. but when he is good, he is really a good boy". He screamed and yelled. Totally no manners at all! But when he listen, he is such an angel!

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  6. hahaha....after reading all the comments and reflecting on my own boy too, I guess children give their parents different kinds of problems at different ages! :P

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  7. Thanks for your warmth toughts. I really appreciate your comments.

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