Spare the rotan and praise more

My best friend a.k.a ex-colleague Su In shared with me that she and her daughter Adeline (6 years old in Montessori Children’s House ) were participated in the seminar at the Caring Society Complex in Penang last month. She brought my attention to the topic of "Spare the rotan and praise more"

According to consultant paediatrician and paediatric cardiologist Dr Sim Joo Seng, who spoke at the seminar, said it was essential to give children unconditional love as well as build their self-confidence and self-esteem.

“Children should learn the rules of discipline and punishment but physical punishment may lead to resentment.

“It is very important for parents to learn and develop disciplinary skills other than spanking.

“When applying discipline, make sure a child knows why he is being punished, be firm but kind and set a good example for the child,” he said

This article was first published in the Star on 21 April 2010.

The recent terrible 4s issue of May and the nighttime fear of April have led me to the more often used of spanking. Each time, after spanking to them, I needed to have 15 to 20 minutes to really calm down my mind, and I felt terribly hatred. I love my children, but why I always ended up in such a tense situation. Mother's day is just around the corner, I certainly do not want my children to hate me on that day.

I tried to find reference every where to resume the harmony atmosphere. Here I found a way, though I still don't know the outcome. At least, I have learnt that there is alternative other than just harsh treatment.

A few days ago, after I have dropped the children in the baby sitter's house, and I was on my way to work, I dropped by the Petronas petrol station and I bought 2 coin boxes.
I gifted these two coin boxes to them when fetching them from my way back from work. April chose the green frog coin box, and May got the purple Koala coin box.
I told them that they will be rewarded with coins every evening if they are good. Do you still remember the kid evaluation book that I drew crying face when they were bad and I gave sticker when they were good? I also summarised all the stickers and the crying faces in the book at the end of week, and they could redeem with more coins.
I hope my self-checked will enable me to love my children unconditional and at the same time discipline them with love.
To all the mummies, together we spare the rotan and praise more.


  1. oh i tries so hard to spare the rods but my kids got extra 2 rotans stuck to them. So harder to listen to me. If i give them coin box, they will korek all my coins and stuff in it. :S

  2. that's a very good parenting skill which i have yet to master :( my temper flare whenever ashley misbehaves. i must really try harder to pause, take a step back and evaluate the situation before i lose my temper :(

  3. I couldn't agree more! All this while from my observation, I can only sense hatred, frustration and fear in Juan Juan whenever I "spank" her! She hardly learn the lesson after spanking, she was just afraid of what I have done to her... physically!! Besides, it often reveals my weakness when I spank her... it shows that I have again failed to control my temperament, yet she has again successfully provoked me!:p

    Now I prefer to walk away or let her has some "time-out" in the kitchen when she gets on my nerves! Have a nice day to you!^-^

  4. Yan, Calvin seldom got ROTAN from me.ROTAN is to scared him. But sometimes they must taste the rotan too, just to make sure they scared of it. If not, no use also if we ROTAN. Most of the time i used my palm to wack his backside or slap his hand. Tell him those Do's and Don't. After scolding, i told him to be a good boy, only mommy "sayang" .....I did ask him this "Do you understand?". He most of the time, he will noded his head and said understand....
    Anyway thanks for your info.

  5. Hi Sheoh Yan, I guess in your kind of work maybe have a lot of stress? And kids being kids sometimes do get on our nerves.
    But next time try reason with them, explain, discuss with them....
    You'll be surprised kids do understand when mom is under work stress.

    You just stay easy, kids grow up fast. And soon you'll laugh when thinking back.
    Have a nice day, Lee.

  6. Rotan can be still used sparingly when we want to stop the children from doing something which will hurt themselve, like playing with fire or dangerous stuff. Lack of sleep and work stress definitely contribute to my temperament. Thanks everyone for your valueble input in my blog.

  7. Most of the time, I would apply "time-out" method, not for Avery but for myself, ha ha... Just like Alice.

    The more angry I get and the more I face a cranky child, I think I'll end up spanking her. Probably then you'll read on newspaper article about a mother (that's me! )abusing her own daughter, reported by next-door neighbour. :s

    But your way of taming your children's tantrum is worth a try. Little one loves to get reward :)

  8. My gals hv the same piggy bank - but theirs are blue and pink, which my mil bought for them. They also love to dig out the coins, sigh...