Not good

April took back her first test paper yesterday. It was BM, she scored 98%. She lose 2 marks, because of filling in "piano" as "piana" next to the picture of a piano. Besides, "piano" and other words are on top of the paper for selection.

Obviously, this was a very careless mistake. I have told her umpteen times to avoid careless mistake, especially those words are printed there for reference, she does not even need to remember the spelling.

On top of this, she told me there are 5 others in her class scored 100%, and I could tell all of their names without her telling who they are . Because I know her classmates' intellectual level base on what April relates to me in our conversation every evening.

I reckon. I lost my calm and I get furious. I scolded her with all the harsh words that I regret now.
"You make us disappointed, you wasted your father time, he did revision with you every day.... "
"Why you didn't check? Why you so careless? Why are you not feeling sad now? You think 98% score is very good, right?....."

Call me whatever you like. My expectation sets high on my children, as I myself was an academically good student last time.

I had an insomnia last night, I took emergency leave today, as I still couldn't adjust my emotion back to good.

I hate myself for not handling this situation well, on the other hand I don't want her taking things for granted

Folks, I certainly lose my mind on how to handle this properly. Your input and advice are truly appreciated here.


  1. Take it easy Yan... I think April learnt her lesson after getting lectures from you yesterday... She must be feeling sad too...
    You also said it was a careless mistake, sometimes we just cant avoid carelessness.... afterall, she's only Primary one.
    Dont think too much, try to get some sleep, online, watch dramas or go to some retail therapy ^^

  2. Hayley, she was all laughing when her father fetched her back. When we started to lecture her, she was still smiling away. Until later, she shed a little tear. She didn't talk to me anymore, only talked to her father.

  3. Chill, mommy, there are many more tests to come throughout her schooling years. Don't get yourself all stressed up over this. My boy also brought back his BM Pemahaman test paper last night, the score was not as ideal as I would have expected losing marks to carelessness. He admitted that it was his over confidence that made him lost those marks as I usually got full marks in this subject. I was furious and nagged him for a good one hour. He came over sobbing and gave me a bear hug and kisses. I could only hope he had learned his lesson and would not take things for granted in future. *sigh*

  4. I think you're giving yourself and your girl a very hard time. Relax... think of the other way, do you think she feels good loosing that 2 points? We're all human beings, we're not perfect. Human makes careless mistakes. Don't you think so? If you yourself didn't even make any, then you can scold her. If otherwise, pls forgive her. I feel sad for her. As long as she understands, it's ok. No big deal. Don't put too much pressure on her and yourself.

  5. Relax Yan, take it easy. I think she realized her mistake and she'll nto repeat the same again.

  6. Please dear,don't do that to her, i am sure she is very good good already,further more that mistake will not hurt so much because we all know that she was made to score 100 and that's good enough.

    Please don't do that to her again ya,

  7. I feel sorry for April that she has performed her best and yet get a good scolding from her mother.

    Tell her sternly that her mistake is not acceptable, avoiding hurtful words and regret later.

  8. Yan, I think April did very well already even she was careless. In our adults eye, her test paper is easy as kacang putih. But for a primary 1 child, it is very challenging. Don't pressure her too much. It is not healthy for both mother and child. Anyway, you take a good rest too and try to talk nicely to her instead of with an angry tone.

  9. Give her a good hugs and kisses ..!!

  10. I think we all made careless mistakes & I believe you did too, right? And kids are more willing to accept explanations as opposed to harsh scoldings. Anyway, it's over. Don't blame yourself. Relax your mind & smile to your girl again :-)


  11. I think it depends on the child. Like Gwen, if I tell her nicely to do her homework and do well in her spelling tests, she can't preform. If I threaten or scold her, she excels lor. But try to control your temper hor. I always regret after I hurled harsh words at Gwen.

  12. Wow, you are definitely very strict and has set very high expectations on your girls. It's ok to be disappointed but don't be too harsh on her. This is only April's first test and I'm sure she is already feeling bad over this. Everyone makes mistakes. To err is human. Cool down ok! :)

  13. Yes Yan, give her a good hug and no pressures.. i heard of some cases when parents pressure too much, the child vomits each time when exam comes.. cos of the panic.. put yourself in their shoes, how much can they learn in std one.. don't compare with other parents, that is what we always tend to, i did that too when my kids were young and i know i was wrong.. dont bother about how other kids do, as chinese saying goes, yan pei yan, pei sei yan..
    98% is near perfection and remember, no one is perfect..
    go give him a big kiss and hug now.. :)

  14. Take it easy, Yan. I told the same to my eldest sister everytime. Sometimes peer pressure works better than us to push them.

  15. Aiyo, she is still so young lah. Making mistake is ok, as long as they learn from it....then final exam can do better.

  16. Hi Sheoh Yan....I understand your expectations. But thats one very high marks. I'm sure she did her best.....
    And the best thing a parent can do is offer their congratulations....
    I'm sure she will exceed your expectations next time and make you proud of her.

    Mistakes do happen from tension, nervousness, whatever.
    98%! Holy Smoke! That is fantastic!

  17. Blog hop over from somewhere and read this. I think your girl did really well and instead of scolding her on the careless mistake, praise (the good points) should be highlighted and pay notice. Tackle the careless with a gentle manner.

    I used to be a mum who had high expectation on my children. Each exam period and after receiving the papers, I get very stress. It put a strain in ny relationship with my daughter and there's no harmony in the house. I have thus come to realize the true meaning of education and learning, it is not just about getting the perfect scores。

    Don't feel bad, I have been through what you have gone through, most important is to be able to change your mindset.

  18. Seriously, I'd think being parents, it's our responsible to let the kids feel they have got 100% all the time(despite they are not), I believe encouragement is way more promising in order to get the kids realize their mistakes than reprimanding. My 2 cents!;D

  19. Seriously I don't really know what or how strict a standard should I set for my child if I'm in your shoes. There's one part of me supporting what you did because my mum was like that too and that's how I am what I am today (recently the media called this kind of upbringing as 'Tiger Mom') and there's another part of me not wanting to press the child to this extend because I as a child has been chided and insulted many times by my mum before for making mistakes that she termed as 'stupid mistakes' or 'careless mistakes" or 'mistakes that shouldn't hve been made'. Her chidings and insults had really made me feel dejected and scarred my self-esteem but the good part is that it made me have a strong desire to prove her wrong! So I studied harder and practised to be more careful. My conclusion is that this method of upbringing has its good and bad. It'll be good effect if the child is strong enough not to crumble under such pressure and can be even stronger and resilient to face challenges. But it will be bad for the child if the child is one who accepts things as they are once the parent labelled them as so-and-so and never have any will power to prove the parent wrong.