2012-06-28

A mix of proud and fear

I wanted to write about this post long ago, but I really have a hard time to write down what in my mind. I am very particular with my daughters' study and academic achievement. Although they have other activities like ping pong, piano, and art, I want them to put their study as the top priority.

Of course, I didn't tell them that they must score 100% in all subjects, I didn't tell them that they must be in position 1. I only told them to study hard before exam, and do the best during the exam and feel no regret after the exam.

If they could score all 100% and be the top, I would even happier. Who would not, right?

April and May didn't fail to make me proud in their mid year examinations. I promised to buy them an Ipad if they were the top (second would get nothing). I changed my  mind and withdrew my promise, as I do not want to put the blame to Ipad when they fail to deliver good result in the year end examination later.  I didn't reward them with Ipad though they have made it , I had rewarded them with the trip to Korea and some other things. We already have a desktop and a laptop at home, they do not get to use it on weekdays, weekends and not even on holidays. I will only grant them the permission to play some online games, when I think they have done enough exercises, school work and practices.

They also spent minimal time on watching TV every day. I allow them to watch TV at the free slot while waiting for me to get ready for the next activity, approximately 20 to 30 minutes on weekdays. I will let them watch TV more on weekends.
In fact, my kids do not have luxury to spend time on Ipad, computer and TV. They have too many activities to attend. I also need to coach them for their singing contest, pertandingan pantun, 讲故事比赛, colouring contest and all other competitions at school.

On the other hand, I do have fear.
what if they can't bear the peer pressure in order to maintain being the top all the time?
what if they lose the interest in all other activities?
what if they get left out in their friends' conversation about the today technology?
what if they don't get the best result that they expect to get? 
what if they start to get so proud and forget about being humble?
Anyway, I know, I will be able to conquer my fear and be there for them no matter what.

57 comments:

  1. Nice to hear from your perspective of parenting. In regardless whatever you do, I can see that it is all for the good intention of May and April. Your girls are very lucky to have you as their mum :D

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    1. Thanks for your kind thoughts, Zoe. I am just telling how I am being a mother.

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  2. It is a good thing not to showered them with luxury items.Yan, you and your hubby is a great parents! You guys brought up your gals so well.

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    1. I hope when my girls have grown, I have no regret as being their mom. Thanks for your kind thoughts, Angeline.

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  3. The boy got 1st place in class during the mid year exam and we are really proud of him, not for academic part but his attitude towards his studies. Starting this year, we have no reward scheme for getting good results and he is okay with it except for books which he knows we will oblige most of the time.

    I don't think my boy would have the luxury of having an iPad too if not for winning it in a contest. There's no harm in getting one for the princesses though if this was agreed beforehand. With proper monitoring and limit usage, I think it's still fine to have one. Just my humble opinion. :)

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    1. Congrats to Ian. Glad to know that. I learn a lot of parenting skills through your blogs too, Wai Mann, thanks for you input.

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  4. You are a great mum and you have 2 lovely and talented girls!! I am sure besides materials, love and family supports are important in them growing up to be better persons in future.

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    1. Rose, you are right. Love and family support are very important. Thanks for your feedback.

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  5. Hope you dont put too much pressure on them at such a young age. As long they know they have to put in their best ,that's good enough.

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    1. Thanks for the reminder, Johnnie. I will do a self check every time.

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  6. We all want the best for our children and we will try to do what we think will help them. :)

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    1. Yes, agree, all parents want the best for their children. Thanks for the kind thoughts, lina.

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  7. I can totally understand what you are going through! We want our kids to excel in other things as well as studies too. It's very hard to know where to stop or what approach to choose while dealing with them. Sometimes I think I m too laid back and sometimes I think m not doing enough. But as jonnie said here, as long they know they have to put in their best, that's good enough.
    don't worry, you are not alone. And I can see from the post you are a very concerned parent, so m sure you will do your best for your girls :D

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    1. When they are still young, we have to be more concerned. When they grew older, we have to learn to let go. Right? Thanks for your kind thoughts, Simple Baking.

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  8. I dare not put too much pressure on my Gwen. She is not as bright as your April and May. Gwen watches less TV now. I read from The Star the other day that a lot of kids nowadays are depressed bcoz of pressure in studies.

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    1. Mummy Gwen, I admit I m a bit kiasu mom. Thanks for kind thoughts. There was also time, we were out to relax in the cinema and restaurant.

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  9. i really admire the way you guide and coach your girls. I wish I have the same patience :) you are a great mother and your girls are turning into fine young ladies. i think you have strike a good balance for them....studying and other activities. as long as they enjoy doing them and not feel pressure at all then it's fine. if they tell you that they are stressful or when you can feel it, then it's time to loosen up and take a step back :)

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    1. Barb, thanks for this very wonderful comment of yours. You seems can read my mind so well. Yes, I try to give them a balance of music, sport, art and study. So far, I tell them to put more attention on study. The rest I don't force at all. We can withdraw them from other activities any time.

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  10. I think these are common worries parents have.. Dont worry, things will be alright..

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    1. Thanks for your kind thoughts, Hayley.

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  11. do what you feel right and the rest leave it to God

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    1. Thanks for your kind thoughts, Mamarazzi.

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  12. I know you prioritize your daughters studies and their attitude. Both are equally important - when their mental is healthy, your worries would be lessened.

    Brush all the negative thoughts away and stay optimistic, Yan. You are a great mom!

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    1. Thanks for your kind thoughts, Yvonne.

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  13. I understand your worries. But don't think too much. You surely know when it's the right time to teach and guide them. Try enjoy your quality time with them because just a blink they will enter into their adulthood.

    Somehow parent's hopes indeed a pressure to the child. We really need to learn how to balance it.

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    1. You have a good point here, Vicky, thanks for your valueble input.

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  14. very true, kids nowadays seems to have so much things to learn, and competition seems to be very stiff amongst them!!

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    1. and surely the parents and teachers are putting pressure on them..

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  15. i can see you two princesses are really good girls!! so they both got top position in class?? wow, excellent!! you must be very proud..

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  16. Kudos to your girls!! They are both smart girls and oh my , they do have a lot of activities. Good for them!

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  17. i can also see that from my two nephews.. after school they came back and do their homework, later around dinner time they are going for tuition, coming back i think they have to continue to finish homework..

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  18. actually i think you shouldn't withdraw your promise lah.. they both made to the top position, and you should grant the promise, because you said so.. kids are particular about adult's promises i always think..

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  19. even if you get them an iPad, you can still control them like how you control them watching TV and using the PC.. actually iPad has some very educative and interactive apps that i think is good for learning, and also to bond your relationship with the kids.. my thoughts lah..

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  20. don't worry too much lah, i think it's just a trend they have to learn so much.. perhaps they are already get used to the pressure and think it's just parts and parcels of life..

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  21. eih, they both make it to #1 in class leh.. that proved they are doing very very well!! you are a proud mommy no doubt.. :)

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    1. SK, thanks all the comments, I have discussed this with my husband. I will consider to buy one for them. I feel bad for withdrawing my promise too.

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  22. Wah, you are one proud mom. April and May do so well in their studies. I think you no need to worry if they enjoy what they are doing now. It is a good things for them to have some outside exposure, indirectly will help in their academic.

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    1. Thanks for your kind thoughts, Hoi Ting. Shenny is also making you proud all the time.

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  24. April and May are doing really well. Don't pressure yourself too much, your daughters are doing great! :)

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    1. Thanks Merryn for your support.

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  25. Wah, kena study day and night....lol!

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    1. Who is not studying day and night now? The kids are having very busy life, I reckon.

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  26. Yes,you are right...you are a proud mom,
    spend a lot ur time to take care them,i should learn from you.

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    1. You will be one, Hwiyee. Thanks for your support.

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  27. YOu are just doing what is the best for your kids... i admire you as being a very responsible parent... some parents dont care about their kids at all..

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    1. Thanks for the support, Genskie.

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  28. My wife had taught in Sri Gdn and Sri Chmpka, on off when there is distress calls for her help. Majority of the kids are over spoilt by parents until many carried branded bags like LV and swipe cards anywhere they fancy to eat. I am glad that you have time for your 2 daughters. Very good!

    All the fears you listed out did happen to those kids and I pity their parents coz it was too late.

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    1. Oh really! That's bad. I try to involve as much as I can in their study and activity.

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  29. When my first kid started schooling, I was as anxious as to "biting finger nails" already esp when it comes to exam... then as time goes by, when my 2nd kid goes to school, i began to relax... and when it comes to the 3rd, i was wishing she wont be so stressed up herself.. i told her to take studying easy already.. the way she studies is stressing me instead.. hahaha..
    anyway, your girls are doing great.. so lets take a deep breath and relax, ye? You are not alone.. :))

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  30. Yan,
    Your girls are doing well. Don't stress ya. I guess all mothers are very kan cheong (including me). I'm also like you, must make sure my kid do his homework first before play.

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  31. I guess the mums are always a bit more kiasu than the dads. But it's normal. Do what you think is right. :) Anyway, you girls aren't complaining right? They're just very good and obedient girls.

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  32. woah ipad! i never get luxurious present like this before for my good result..

    Latest: TomYam-licious

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  33. first of all, kudos to both april and may for obtaining such good results in their exams. I'm glad that you still allow them to watch tv..i mean not to that extreme of course but i do believe that we should let them enjoy their childhood and not going too strict to limit them for playing games or any other activities, not just aiming to achieve good results but to truly enjoy themselves. But i know from your post, you are someone who knows what is best for them :)

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  34. wow..thats real cool..you're a proud mom..;)
    Tasty Appetite

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  35. hi Yan, hats off to your ways of bringing up your kids
    time will show that everything pays off
    thumbs up for your kids too for getting good results in their academic study
    perhaps a little of this and that, as long as controlled by you, won't do any harm, IMHO :)

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  36. Your discipline your girls very well. It's good to be strict with them but at the same time, we also shouldn't pressure them too much. It's good if we can give them a balanced life of work and play. I coach Chloe with her homework and additional workbooks everyday for a fixed time. After that, she is free to play and do whatever she likes.

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