Everything happens for a reason, for better or worse

16:18 Yannie 35 Comments

….but we ought to know why the reason.

This post is a continuous from my previous post that I promise to update everyone on how the matter got resolved at the end.

1.  10am Friday 6 November. I called the headmaster from my office. The headmaster (HM) was not in, as she had gone for a course in Langkawi in the morning. I could only talk to the assistant headmaster (AHM).  Then, I learned that KE and her mother had actually seen the headmaster the day before. She went to make apology to the headmaster and KE cried again.

2. 12:30pm Friday 6 November, I took 2 hours of time off and drove the school. AHM told me that one of the questions in the English paper was marked wrongly. The position in the form would be different after the adjustment. But, AHM didn’t tell me the action that the school would take on the behavior of KE and her mother towards my daughter.  

I asked AHM,  

“The adult came to my daughter directly and asked for her exam papers inside the school compound. My daughter had no one to protect her that time. What if my daughter said NO, what would happen?“

 “You have announced that my daughter is the number 1 at two rehearsals of the school concert. If she isn’t the number 1 at the actual school concert, how will she feel? “

“If KE’s mother can check my daughter’s exam papers, can I check her exam papers too? “

“I thought all exam papers were signed by the parents and the marks were entered in the computer. No change is allowed. Because of the mother’s complaint, you change?  Next year, another mother comes and the student cries, you also change?”

AHM promised me that the school would do something about my complaint after having meeting with HM.

3. 6pm Friday 6 November. Back at home from work. I received two calls from the committees in the parent-teacher association (PTA).  They knew about this matter from my best friend. They said that they supported me to go against this behaviour. They would help me to bring this matter up to the chairman of PTA.

Let me tell you more about KE and her mother. KE is a champion kid. She won many prizes in singing, dancing, drawing and speaking competitions. Her mother is a rich tai tai who can afford to spend lot of time chitchatting with other mothers and teachers in the schools. She walks in and out the school like her second home. She is also good in bribing teachers. She would make her daughter shine like a star in all school performance. Because of their high profile, they have unintentionally created many enemies that they themselves don’t realize.

One of her enemies suddenly becomes my good friend. Now only I understand this sentiment well, “my enemy’s enemy is my friend.” Lol!  Let’s call her MF. MF’s son is KE’s classmate. Apparently , MF's son is now at position 3 in the form. MF’s husband is also the committee of PTA. MF called me and shared with me so many stories about KE’s mother. MF asked me to be careful because many teachers flavor KE. She said that this matter is serious, I should make that an issue so that KE and her mother learned a lesson for not doing it again to other children.

I managed to call and inform May’s form teacher about this matter. May’s form teacher told me that even though that English question was marked wrongly. It wouldn’t affect May’s position. She could confirm that May was still 2 marks more than KE.

Finally, a closed door meeting was arranged by the PTA on Deepavali school break.

4. 11am 11 November Wednesday. The members of the closed door meeting were HM, AHM, PTA (my friend), KE’s mother and me. In the closed meeting, HM and PTA said that KE’s mother was not right to assess May’s exam papers. KE’s mother explained that her intention was not trying to pull May’s position down. She said that she knew English paper had one controversial question. She had planned to let May and KE hold hands and go up to the stage to receive awards.  After  KE’s mother had explained, I commented that her intention for assessing my daughter’s exam papers was still considered unkind and hurtful to my daughter. KE’s mother admitted her own mistake. She asked for apology and she promised that she won’t do that again in future. HM too assured me that the school will do something to prevent this from happening again.  I accepted and I initiated to shake hand with everyone and also KE’s mother.

I am not too sure whether I did right. I just know that I would never give up protecting my own children from unfair or unkind action that anyone did to my children. Now, I just hope that May is not in the same class with KE next year.

Thanks folks for all your valuable comments and input. I really appreciate it.

Anay TM, thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts in the email. Thanks for telling me that we must go praying in Sensoji Temple next month. 

35 comments:

  1. I am amazed that you are such a strong willed mother who could find the courage to the endure the whole nonsense at school and sit down to write the whole madness to share and alert everyone here. I was surprised that KE's mom admitted and apologised when most rich Tai-Tais would flex their wealthy muscles to bully everyone without admitting. I am glad the episode is over now and you can move on. If we keep the anger at heart, we are the one who would suffer for a long time.

    You all knew that my wife used to lecture in the most expensive private schools, college and later private university where many wealthy kids have very bitchy and scary mothers! My wife suffered so much and left the teaching industry where she vowed never to teach those kids again. Some parents were like KE's mom but more monstrous in many folds that no one could imagine. If I blog or write a non fiction book, it might be a best seller about these scary mothers! We realised how ugly money could turn humans into evils who seek fame, success and whatsoever. Their heads live in clouds and their feet do not touch the ground. That's how stupid they think.

    Your kids will grow up well to appreciate your love and protection forever! They will become brave like me too! LOL

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    1. Anay, I am actually not too sure that whether she apologized because of she had acknowledged her own mistake or she was under the pressure of PTA and HM.

      But I know that she was still unhappy.

      I just want to have my peace of mind, therefore I will let go the grudge.

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  2. It's good that the matter has been resolved. And yes, you did the right thing.

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    1. Phong Hong, you think I have done right. Thank you. After the closed door meeting, I have returned to my own routine and got back my peace of mind.

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  3. so the story gets more interesting and saucy and steamy.. it has got the attention of the PTA and there was even a closed-door meeting among the HMs, PTA and parents, i wonder if the teacher involved was also in the meeting??

    anyway, glad that the matter is now resolved, and i'm quite surprise that KE's mother actually apologised for what she has done.. i have to give a pat to Yannie on the shoulder, she is standing firm on what is right and what is wrong, let's not put how she was protecting May, but i personally think Yannie was doing the right thing!! and the best part she has done was, to shake hands with KE's mother too!! that shows how generous a person she is, 大將之風範也..

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    1. Honestly, I couldn't sense whether her apology is sincere or she is under pressured of situation.

      Thanks for your support, SK. The first comment in my previous post has given me lots of inspiration on what I should talk in the closed door meeting. Don't you know that?

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  4. i remember in my high school, the papers were not returned to the students.. only for tests (which take 30% of the total results) we got our papers back, but for the major exams (which take 40%-60% of the total results), the school keeps the papers.. so we did not know how the markings were, we only roughly know how well we were doing when the teachers discussed the answers with us after the exam.. it's just like the public exams UPSR, SRP, PMR, SPM, STPM, we won't know but we can appeal to get the papers to be marked again, but then that was very rare that such appeal would be entertained.. even if there is a reassessment, with the complicated calculation of our results, there won't be much effect also..

    probably Yannie can suggest the school to not return the papers to the students.. if parents want to complaint then settle it directly with the school and not involve the students at all - end of story

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    1. Good input, SK!

      My girls are still in primary school, that is why so many issues about exam papers. The parents are taking advantage of the loose management in primary school. If it is in secondary, no parent dare to go and fight anything about exam with the secondary teachers.

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  5. I salute your courage and determination in dealing with this matter, in fact I am touched with what you last few paragraph, that you will protect your kids no matter what. Yes, we mothers just have that in us, we would feel bad and upset if there's anyone who bully our kids.
    I think you did right, must let KE's mother knows what she did cannot be hidden. Rich doesn't mean everything, we all pay school fees and there should be no unfair treatment.

    Anyway, glad that everything is resolved (sort of), and most importantly, May's position is not being affected. Else, sure very hurtful for a young soul like May.

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    1. Hayley, you are right, I can't help agree with you.
      Rich in the soul is more important than rich in the material.

      That's what MF told me. I should let many know about her behavior.
      May is very naive. I think this happening make her grown up faster, as I taught her not to trust anyone easily now. She is affected somehow.

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  6. I ever taught one rich Tai Tai's son, his son, only in Primary Two, spit at me, I complained to the mother and the mother sided his son, that's why I usually don't like to teach those rich man's kids, it is the bad experience that made me feel this way, I agree with what Hayley says, rich does not mean everything, we must have our own principles and we must have backbones, kudos for standing up for your kids, your are one brave mother

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    1. In fact, my daughter form teacher and her daughter form teacher told me that they actually scared of her long time ago. She is one trouble makers. Sigh! Rich Tai Tai are too free, and they just busy for nothing.
      They think that they are helping the children, to me, they are actually spoiling the children.

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  7. Hope she has learnt a lesson. Personally, I do think parents should not meddle especially when it concerns other people's kids - not happy with anything concerning their own, that's ok. Heard of one here who sued the school for RM1 million? Yes, we have those around here too, many! No case, of course!

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    1. Arthur, you are right. She should go through teachers if she doesn't satisfy with anything, but she has no right to assess my daughter's exam papers without the consent of the parents.

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  8. It is good that eventually this is solved and everyone has understanding of what happening
    Hope this would not repeat. Really emotional and demoralising for young children in such competitive environment.

    Well done to May. Keep up the good work. Jia you!

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    1. Thanks Rose, I guess the mother still owes her own daughter an apology. She has shown her a very bad example.

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  9. After this, she will think twice before she does the next step... I wonder what steps the school will take to prevent this from happening again... I am sure they will think of something, you will let us know next year, can? hahaaaa... Anyway, I think you are a very strong lady, I admire you for that...

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    1. Claire, my daughter told me yesterday. She and KE are in different class. i guess this is the special arrangement for us. Besides, the HM had informed all students that next years onward, no parents can come inside the school compound . The parents can only send and pick at the gate.

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  10. wah lau eh...what she ment by she planned to have her daughter hold hands goup the stage to collect the award TOGETHER ah?

    Does she mean that IF her daughter get number 1, then will ask May go up together to show that her daughter have a big heart? or if her daughter get num 2, she wants her daughter to tag along with May?

    Ahem....all these awards not annouce name one by one and go up the stage one by one meh?

    Yannie is right leh. Once exam paper marked and parents signed liao agree with the markings then shouldn't change.

    It's good that you stood up against KE's mom and protected May. This is not to show one up to KE's mom but rather to show to May that she must stand up for her rights in the future.

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    1. Mamarazzi, bingo, I think the same too when I heard what she said at the closed-door meeting. She wanted to show that she has arranged a friendly way to receive the awards together, meaning two person also number 1.

      If the exam paper marking keeps changing, the teachers will be very busy. I wanted the HM to stand firm regardless who is coming to complain. I don't like the double standard thing exists in the school.

      Thank Kathy for your support.

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  11. Yes, if I were you, I would do that do. Fight for our rights.

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    1. Before the closed-door meeting, I admit that I was actually kind of anxious and angry. After the closed-door meeting, I feel so much lighter and easy. I have forgiven their mistake, but I don't know whether they have forgiven themselves, if no, they will start to put the blame to others, such as blaming the school teacher and the HM.

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  12. Well done! I think you did right! And I hate those politics in school...aiyo.. what's the point of bribing the teachers to let her kid won so many awards? It actually won't do her kid good. What happens when she comes out to work later? Unless she take over her family business, she would be under pressure to perform then.

    Most importantly, it's the EQ that matters. No point having lots of awards but lose out in EQ. You did right and fight for your little kid rights.

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    1. Chris, I agree with you too. Nowadays, the children learn so many thing at young age, they learn many skill sets and knowledge, but they lack of EQ and moral. This is the failure of our education strategy, which focus too much at academy achievement.

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  13. Huh, no wonder la, after I read your post, I'm thinking, KE's mother is too free, nothing to do.. "mou yeh jou, wan yeh lei chou" (nothing to do, find things to make noise).. I may sound rude, but if she continues to act this way, one day KE will be so tensed up, (don't worry, I won't say she will jump down from the building), she will pack her bags and leave her mum one day, stay on her own and gain her freedom..
    But I have to say you are very strong willed too, like what TM said, you will fight for justice for the girls nomatter what, which I support.. I really don't like politics (in school or at work), I'm not particular, and I'm not bothered by kid's results, to be honest.. Not that I don't care, but I think they are too small to be "pressured", just sun-kei-ci-yin lagi baik, I mean for my kids la, they are just 4 and 2 by the way..

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    1. Princess Ribbon, you are so true as well. I like all the assumption and thoughts you shared here. Precisely described KE's situation. In fact I learned something from the mistake that they have done. That's why I said "Everything happened for a reason."

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  14. I cringe to think this is how KE will grow up, no thanks to the mom. Wait till she comes out to the real world, where minor mistakes happen on a daily basis and we have to go with the flow rather than persist on a minor mistake for too long. Come year end increment, her team mate get 1% higher increment than her, I hope she won't go and challenge the boss to dissect their performances to her.

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    1. You are absolutely right. I think this is why the PTA wanted to support me to give her a lesson. They also cannot accept what she had done. There are so many things which is more important than getting number 1 at school. All of you here are sharing so many good points that will benefit all my readers who are dropping this post.

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  15. Thank you for updating here on what happened after that. Hopefully KE and her mother have learned a lot from this and will not repeat their mistakes. You handle the whole situation very calmly and professionally too. What did your husband think about this whole thing?

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    1. Mun, thanks so much for your support and kind thoughts. My husband didn't comment anything. He just listened. He didn't verbally say that he supported me, but he also didn't stop me from doing all the things that I mentioned here.

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  16. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. You are a strong mom and good that you have brought up this matter so that it will not happen again to other kids too.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Precisely, I do not want this to happen to other kids. KE's mother is really too much, I still think so after so many days. Hahahah!

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