Something happened and it is bothering me

17:30 Yannie 33 Comments

When I type this post, frankly speaking I do not have a peace of mind. Something happened for the past two days, and it is bothering me.

1. Monday, 2Nov and Tuesday 3Nov ,  my daughters were busy practicing their dance and having the rehearsal for their school year end concert. Therefore, they got to know their positions in classes even though the report cards are not yet given to parents.

2. Wednesday, 4Nov, my two girls informed me that they are both top in the form. I of course very happy.

3. Thursday, 5 Nov I received a call which is not in my contact list at 3pm. The caller told me she is KE's mother. KE is my younger daughter, May's biggest competitor. May and KE are in different class. May was the first, and KE was the second in the form last year (Standard Two). Apparently, this year, KE is also the second in the form. Over the phone, KE's mother said that she wanted to notify me that she had borrowed my daughter's exam papers. She said to me, " Your daughter is so sweet and she is so nice to borrow us. ". The intention of her call was to let me know that she had taken a look at my daughter's exam paper. She didn't want me to get angry after getting know this happening from others. I felt rather fishy that time. Why on earth she wanted to see all my daughter's exam paper? I immediately asked her, "Why didn't you check from the teachers? Why must you borrow from my daughter? (p/s: She and me are just Hi Bye friends) Do you know this is not a right procedure? You should not check my daughter's exam papers without my permission? It is too late that you inform me now? Even if you ask for my permission, I may not want to borrow you. You should ask teachers if you have any query on the marking. I will consider to bring this up to the Headmaster."KE's mom again said "KE felt very dissatisfied as she is just one or two points different."

4. Thursday 5Nov, as usual I went to pick up my daughters from school. I wanted to understand the whole thing better from my own daughter before I wanted to see the headmaster. We went home and we talked. Apparently, KE's mother and daughter were waiting for May to reach the school, they waited her at the canteen. Then, they asked to borrow all the exam papers from May. They returned the exam papers to her only at recess time. At the same time, KE's mother asked May for my phone number to call me

5. Thursday 5Nov, May also told me that, all their English papers needed to be returned to teacher before the school ended that day.

Up to this point, do you have any comment?

To be continue........

33 comments:

  1. took me a while to imagine what's actually happening, hehe.. then I have got a few points here that I can't find her a good reason for doing..

    1. Why would she wanted to see May's papers?? She's challenging the school, the teachers, the student she parents??

    2. Why would she call you up after seeing May's paper?? Want to challenge you ke?? She could have just keep quite and pretend nothing has happened..

    3. The results were already final, just admit her daughter isn't as good, why would she suspect other people's ability??

    4. Why was she doing that to May personally and not through the teacher?? I felt either she's cheated May or may have threatened her to get May to show her the papers..

    5. The mother and daughter both had taken May's papers for a morning.. They could have done something on the papers!!

    sorry if I sound like 以小人之心 but that is just what she makes me think like~~

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    1. I agree with SK leh. Why need to borrow May's paper.?

      Okay la...just 1-2 point difference from getting top place...so what...why need to be so kiasu one leh. They trying to see if the teacher give wrong marks to May ka? Double and triple check ka?

      It's part of the process of growing up la. some1 have to be 1st and some1 will have to be 2nd la. I also tarak understand why she so kiasu. If not happy with the marks then go ask teacher.

      Looks like May will have to be more careful and not be so naive give things when people ask for it

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    2. SK, I read your points yesterday after I went to settle this issue with KE's mom and Headmaster in the closed meeting (闭门会议). All your points are so right and they were exactly what I told the headmaster in the closed meeting.

      1. KE counted all the marks of May's and herself. KE thought that she would be the number 1. Therefore, KE and her mom went to assess May's exam paper to confirm the marking of the subjects. They are merely dissatisfied and trying to find fault.

      2. She explained in the closed meeting, the intention of her to call me is because that she has known her own mistake. She wanted me not to make this an issue "大事化小, 小事化无“

      3. This point is absolutely right and I used this point as an issue to question her in front of Headmaster. By the way, KE is a very bright student and she won many prizes in many competition, be it at school and outside the school. So, KE's mom can't accept the position 2 in the form for the continuous two years.

      4. May is very naive just like what Kathy said. She doesn't know borrowing them the exam papers will cause something different in her final result. They actually went to May nicely and May is too young to sense their bad intention.

      5. This is something I brought up in the closed meeting too. They could have changed the exam papers and blamed to the teachers for marking wrongly.

      SK, thanks for sharing your very logic points here. I really appreciate your thoughts.

      Kathy too, you are a great mom, I can see this in the thoughts you share here. Joshua is so lucky to have you.

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  2. errr... I am a bit blur , not sure if I am tired or you are kinda stress as I have problems reading your post. Anyway, no matter what, stay calm and try to resolved it peacefully.

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    1. Chris, you can sense my stress through this post is good enough. hahaha! By the way, I have sort of resolving this issue peacefully already.

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  3. Seriously?? F**k! So important to come 1st in class? What a f**ked up pair of mother and daughter! Especially the mother! When her daughter voiced dissatisfaction, she should be guiding her daughter to be more open and to focus on the right things, not help her daughter with the witch hunt!

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    1. RealGunners, I feel the same anger from the day this thing happened till yesterday. I wanted to scold her @#$%^&* too if it isn't my daughters' schoolmate's parent. Because it involved my daughter and it happened in the school, I know I have to resolve this issue with more wisdom and logical way.

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  4. Oh? I commented earlier. Seems to have disappeared into thin air.

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    1. I would love to hear your thoughts and input regarding this matter. Could you please kindly recall what you have commented earlier?

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    2. I think this kiasu syndrome is very unhealthy and will have adverse effects on the child.

      When my girl was in primary school, we parents would wait for the kids outside to take them home at the end of the day. There was a mum who was always bragging, comparing, arguing with one or two other mums. I taught the girl in my English tuition class years later when she was in Form 5 - she always looked stressed, very sad and depressed - not happy at all but yes, she was good at her studies and did well.

      I heard that when she left for further studies, after a while, she got pregnant and came back and got married. She never completed her degree.

      This is the kind of backlash that may happen when parents push their children too far...and of course, there are other serious consequences as well, even suicide. It is very important to pull and not push - imagine a thread - when you pull it follows nicely in a line, not when you push.

      At the end of the day, it is who you are, not what strings of paper qualifications you have. Look at all the jobless graduates...and I would say no, it is not only their English that is the problem. They are only good at excelling in exams - quite brainlessly incompetent, all of them and that is what makes them unemployable.

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    3. Arthur, thanks for commenting again. I know you have something to share based on your own experiences. True enough, it is so beneficial all my readers and myself.

      The kids now learn knowledge in school, the kids also learn other talent skills outside the school. The kids now are well exposed compare to us last time, but the kids now never learn to be humble, low profile, positive thinking and kind. Why oh why? All must blame the parents.

      From this incident, I learn too. I learn from all your comments and thoughts. I learn from her mistake.

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  5. Yannie I feel so bad for you! If I were you I will be pissed! Seems like the mother is using May's naive-ness to borrow the papers because she knows May is too young to sense anything not right. Seriously is this the right way to be a role model for her daughter?? If she really cares for her daughter's results at least please ask the parents' permission first la!

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    1. Hayley, your point makes sense. I agree with you, she has demonstrated a very bad example to her own daughter.

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  6. Aiyo...so competitive until behave in such a bad manner. Your girl is young, innocent and naive and did not suspect anything bad. And I say bravo to you for confronting the mother and having a frank talk with the headmaster!

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    1. Phong Hong, this behavior is really bad to herself, her daughter, my daughter and myself. I confront her as I know i must to stand out to protect my daughter and give a lesson on her bad behavior.

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  7. Not the kid's fault.. mother's overkiasuness caused it. kids are all naive until the adults come in and taint their brain dirty.. As a mother, we understand how competitive it is especially with the chinese but I don't think I will go to such extent to check other's exam papers... wrong move... I think she will not dare to do so after this incident...

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    1. I can't help agreeing with you, Claire. You such a wise mother to 3 grown up children. It is us the adult who shape our own children the way we want. It is all the adult fault and all the kids are innocent. Thanks for your thoughts.

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  8. Wah damn kiasu man...Parent nowadays really can do wonders just for their own pride huh!

    Anyway, I hope the issue can be solved peacefully and that the result is still the same.

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    1. ShiRleXia, everything happens for a reason, for the worst, for the best and we ought to know the reason why. I learn something from this happening. I look at things positively. This is a chance to let the school, there are such parents, and the school needs to do some measurement towards this kind of issue, what if it is happening again.

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  9. I find KE's mum is very silly, did the headmaster tell her off ??

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    1. The headmaster is kind of pissed at her behavior and attitude. I will update in my next post.

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  10. I don't feel good too after reading your post.. My opinion:
    1) KE's mum is very kiasu. She expects/wants her daughter to be in the first place, but got dissapointed after knowing your girl got the first place.
    2) KE's mum "mm kum sum", wana see all the exam papers and how she answers them, and wana check/dig see teachers got mark wrongly or not.
    3) KE's mum finally spotted some thing that can be "re-marked" in the English paper, told the teacher, and teacher got no choice but to ask all the kids to return the paper to be re-marked again..
    4) One word - KE's mum is a silly kiasu monter mummy.. I pity KE.. Next time, short of 1 pr 2 marks to 100, KE will kena lectured and nagged, and maybe her mum will go to school and asked the teacher to re-mark again.. And if one day, KE doesn't score perfect 100, KE's mum will give her so much pressure, and one day, KE will jump down from the building.. Ooops, am I too much talking like that?

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    1. Princess Ribbon, all your four points mentioned here are so logic and sensible. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It is true that the mother has to be responsible to what she has done in front of her own daughter. The mother should apologize not to my daughter, but to her own daughter, as she has portrayed herself in such a way.
      Her daughter is under great pressure if she doesn't change.

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  11. This is extremely sad. Parents being competitive to this point. It is not healthy for KE to be growing up with this mindset.

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    1. Exactly what I think and what I have said to her in our closed meeting. I actually gave her a good lesson and I hope she will change for the sake of her daughter.

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  12. I am very curious. Why she wanted to look at May's exam papers?? Only May's? Like you said, anything she should query the teacher.

    Not the kids are competitive, even the parents are kiasu nowadays. Haha.

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    1. Rose, she only looked at May's exam papers that was the reason I got really annoyed. It was peculiar, right? Her daughter is number 2 and mine is number 1. Number 2 wanted to see number 1 exam papers. This actually has make the whole happening very obvious, it was the "kiasu" attitude that they have.

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  13. Wow, this is too competitive. I pity her daughter as she must be drilling her very hard to beat May every term. Did you manage to talk to the mother?

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    1. Barb, after the phone conversation, I met her mother again at the Headmaster office. I managed to give her a lesson for what she has done to my daughter. I will update soon in my next post.

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  14. I wonder whether it is the mother who is competitive or the daughter who is competitive. Like you say, why did the mother call you personally? Like so many others here, I feel this competitive environment is not a healthy one. Hope May is not traumatised by this incident. How did all this affect May?

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    1. Mun, you are asking a very good question. It is the adult who is competitive. It is the adult fault for causing this unhealthy competition among children. May is affected by this incident. Her innocent was abused by the schoolmate and the schoolmate's mother. That is why I got mad and lost my peace of mind for that entire week.

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  15. Hi Yan,

    I don't know what to say... I have never this experience before because there is no exam in Australia until the kids go to secondary schools!!! Nevertheless, I think it is good to have a chat with the teachers and see what they can advise you. They might tell you to forget about it or they might have a chat with May, her friend and her mum because they have to know what they should do to tackle this matter rather than doing this without your prior acknowledgment.

    Hope that you will feel relieve soon tackling this problem.

    Zoe

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    1. Zoe, thanks for your kind thoughts.

      I sort of resolving the issue which I am going to update you folks soon in my next post.

      The school is finally doing something after the incident.
      KE's mom has admitted her fault.
      I have also accepted their apology.
      But,.......

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